Our autonomic nervous system has states of survival like fight, flight, and freeze. If you are dealing with chronic illness, anxiety, depression, etc you are most likely stuck in these states of survival. In NSR you learn about each state specifically AND learn many tools to help your nervous system come out of these states to a state of regulation. This is the state where healing can happen, finally! Many are trying to heal without this understanding, that the body needs to be dominantly in a state of regulation state to heal. All the protocols will not work as effectively until we also work at our states of survival and find more regulation as we can not heal in fight, flight or freeze.
Now, one step farther. When the autonomic nervous system begins to feel safe it does what we call: somatic releases. This is where it lets go of stored survival energy and steps toward a place of regulation. Some examples are yawning, stomach gurgling, a settled sigh, and tears. Without the proper understanding of how our autonomic nervous system works, many times, these releases are misinterpreted.
On this blog today I want to talk about the somatic release of tears.
Did you know that crying is one of the most beautiful human expressions? So often it is looked down on as weakness or something to stop. Adults comfort other adults by saying “don’t cry, its going to be ok.” When what could really be happening is that that person is feeling like they have arrived at help and are being heard by being able to talk to you and now the tears are flowing. Be honored.
I would like to explain crying from a nervous system angle.
Example #1: Let’s say you have a very hard conversation, or an argument. There is a strong fight energy going on. The conversation has passed, and you are trying to work through it. Maybe the person who hurt you comes back, gives you a hug, and says, “I’m sorry I hurt you.” You start to feel seen, and safe. And guess what can happen next? Tears. This is not the time to say stop crying. The tears that are happening now are actually a good sign. It means your nervous system was in survival (fight) and now it is coming out of that. It is feeling safer, and the tears are a release of that strong survival energy you felt earlier. The tears are good.
Example #2: Someone has some very hard news. Do they burst into tears? No, they likely go into freeze and shut down, not feeling the magnitude of what they just heard. Stunned. Maybe the family comes around, people give hugs, quiet conversation is had, and support and love are shown. These things all are helping this person come out of shock and freeze. Next thing you know, they are crying. This is good. They are finally feeling, and their nervous system is releasing that strong freeze and shut down they had initially. Let the tears flow.
Have you ever just gone and had a really good cry? It felt better after. The tears were a release of the hard thing you were feeling previous to that.
It is also said that tears from seeing something so very beautiful like a sunset or something you are overjoyed about is because the emotion is too strong to keep in. Your nervous system will release that strong feeling in tears. Isn’t that beautiful?
When we have a healthy nervous system, our nervous system will naturally help us work through tough or big feelings. It knows to go into survival when the stimulus is too great. Then once we feel safer, loved, and enough it helps us release that strong state in tears. Even seeing that beautiful thing, it is likely making a part of you feel like you are loved, you are going to be ok. Maybe you weren’t even in that big of a struggle before, but this beautiful thing evokes such a strong feeling of awe, love, or safety, your autonomic nervous system helps you work through that in tears.
There are many who would like to cry and can’t, too stuck in survival to have a release. If you are able to cry, crying is a healthy expression. It means your nervous system is working well and working for your good.
Have I lost you yet? Let’s keep going.
There are many different angles to why tears happen. Tears of joy, tears of relief, tears of pain, tears of great sorrow.
You might say, but what about my child that cries so easily? Children should cry when they are hurt. For a child, that is their way of alerting their safe people they need to be cared for. Children and crying can go different ways. For today I will only share one example. If a child is taught crying isn’t safe, it could learn to do the opposite and likely go into survival. This means it would learn not to cry cause crying isn’t safe. As you redirect your job in the story when your child cries to showing love, safety to them, and just being there, (instead of just making the crying stop) they should begin to feel more secure and balance out with crying. *This can also happen with adults who tend to either cry a lot or not at all. As they fulfill these needs in healthier ways thing should balance out.
What I want with this post, is to somehow bring a deeper understanding of tears. Where they come from and what they really can be. Let’s practice redirecting from trying to stop the tears to instead letting them flow. Let these loved ones know you are here for whatever they need, and it is safe to cry. Be someone that allows expression vs suppression. (Suppression can lead to illness btw)
When a human, adult or child, is properly validated they can much sooner move on. Whereas, if we pressure them to suppress what they are feeling this only keeps them stuck in a cycle of not being able to properly release what they are feeling. Tears are not a problem to fix. A lack of holding space and being heard is the bigger problem. Let’s readjust our understanding a little and see if that changes the stories.
Tears are healing, tears are feeling. If you are curious to learn more and would like to understand yourself and others more consider purchasing our online course today.
hp
