What you focus on grows. Choose wisely.

A little vulnerable here.

At the end of each day, what does your reflections on the day look like. You always have two choices.

Yesterday wasn’t perfect. There was all manner of things that happened throughout the day ranging from moments of tears, to disappointment, to change of plans, and more. All this to say it wasn’t a horrible day but instead a day I will use as an example of the power of choice on what we focus on and our perspective.

You know how all days are filled with quite a variety of happenings. Some great, some not so great and some in between. Back when I was in the thick of rewiring my brain, just before hopping into my cozy bed, I’d stop and reflect on the day. I would end the day by journaling anything that was good every day. Last night I took some time to sit and journal on the good of the day. The list I wrote was rather inspiring to me and had me feeling grateful inside. There are no rules with this list. I can list things that seem outrageously small to an observer if there was one. Or ones that make no sense to anyone but me. I understand them though because I know the journey I am on and that’s all that matters.

Here is a part of what last nights list included:

1. Tonight, I really did think about going boarding by myself and that’s amazing.
2. I am continued to be amazed at how it is no big deal Josh is gone at night. So very cool.
3. I fully processed the depths of my grief today.
4. I woke up early AND went to sleep again and slept until past 8:30.

The thing about this list is its anything. Some are obvious wins, while others are simply me noticing it was better then last time.

1. No, I didn’t actually go snowboarding by myself last night but the mere fact I thought about it without worry or much apprehension is already a win. That is the first step.
2. Now this one is a more obvious one for me. Its there big and huge in front of me and God has his hand in it. Those that know my past will know how huge this is. My story of chronic illness was very intertwined with aloneness. Most of my most traumatic events happened when my “safe person” wasn’t around. Separation and time alone were very much part of my story and why I even got sick to begin with. Because of all of this, it resulted in seasons of me being very anxiously attached to my husband “just in case” and out of fear of bad things happening when I am alone again. The brain does what it does to protect you, you know. Now in this season of my life, my husband works nights usually in a town quite some distance away. So yes, for me when I’m not just getting by like a normal person but also doing ok and nearly unbothered by it, IT IS HUGE. And I can get emotional just thinking about this all. God is good. Healing is amazing and these tools work to have come to this win!!
3. Processing grief can appear so messy, in fact I was nearly doubled over in heart pain with tears streaming down, a complete blumbering mess. But, I felt and processed it fully, then I moved on with my day. That’s the win and the beauty worth writing down.
4. Now this one with the sleep. Really its no issue to wake up early. I could be just fine to start my day at 6:30 but also its great if I can start it at 8:30, right?

So with all of this I could have taken the other side.

1. I did not go boarding when I should have and so now I am just choosing fear.
2. Josh had to work and it ruined our plans of having a good time boarding together and now I have to make it through the night alone.
3. I was a crying mess and was way too emotional about a situation.
4. Why did I wake up early again when I just wanted to sleep right until 8:30?

Where energy goes, energy flows. In whatever situation you are in you have the choice of perspective and focus.

Was your day horrible or was it just a moment when you stop and think about it?

If you had symptoms and it seems like a waste, maybe if you look closer, you handled them with a little less fear.

Maybe you got outside for a little instead of just being inside all day not feeling well. That’s a win.

Maybe the symptom lasted 1 hour instead of 2.

Maybe there was good but the brain is so used to focusing on what didn’t go well we are skimming over the good parts.

Your brain is like a muscle. You can train it to see good. To notice little bits of goodness that seep in the cracks. You can train it to focus on what went well even if the hard is still there.

Try it, for every negative you notice you are thinking, work with your inner dialogue. Give your brain something else.

“My leg hurts, oh but my head feels great.”

“The grass is so brown, oh but the sun came out today.”

“I’m disappointed my friend canceled on me, oh but I get to have a slow day now with no plans.”

“I am so fat, oh but look at that pretty hair I have.”

“My children were so crazy today, oh but that load of laundry got done.”

“It is so cold out here, oh but look how that snow glistens and sparkles right now.”

“I am so very tired oh but if I smile right now, just because, that makes me feel more alive.”

You get the idea. You can sit in the natural negative bias, constantly not feeling enough, or you can create a new path. It is up to you. Nobody can do it for you. You can focus on what you wish was different in your day or you can be less hard on yourself and find there is good. You are winning each day. And the more we do this, we are showing our brains and nervous systems we are doing better after all then we thought.

Happy New Year!!!

hp