How can you expect to heal and change if you are claiming problems as your identity? I have noticed as humans we tend to claim way too many things as ours that are not ours to keep. This gives them a home and a place to stay much longer then needed. As brain retrainers, one of the many lifestyle changes we are learning to do is change the way we talk to create an environment that is supportive of healing. Here are some examples that are not supportive in healing:
“I am a very uptight person.”
My family has a history of depression.”
“My anxiety is bad today.”
“I have an extremely hard time going to town because my symptoms flare up horrible bad.”
Now you might be wondering what really is wrong with some of these. Let me explain.
I am a very uptight person. This is claiming being uptight as a personality and who you are. A healing example instead would be, “I tend to feel uptight in certain situations.” We want to be careful of saying we are all manner of things that are actually healable and not personalities. Another example is, “I am a perfectionist.” We can have perfectionist tendencies, but we are not perfectionists at our core, the reason for that happening, if it has, is a trauma response not a personality.
My family has a history of depression. (So, I must be prone to it too.) This is laying the ground for yourself to have it. It is entertaining that idea that they had it so you will likely have it and therefore have a tendency for it you need to keep an eye out for. When in truth, even illnesses and labels that seem to be genetic are not as concrete and unchangeable as we have been taught they are. With the right type of healing there is so much healing possible. An individual could be doing perfectly fine, but get in their head about this idea they might be prone to depression and therefore lay the breeding ground for that exact thing to happen by telling themselves their chance is higher then others.
My anxiety is bad today. We have all done it, claiming symptoms. My headache, my pain, my fatigue, my food sensitivities. When we do this, we are allowing there to be a very close relationship with these very things that are troublesome. In NSR we teach individuals to replace MY with THE. “The anxiety is bad today.” Notice how that immediately creates distance between you and that symptom? Or you might instead say, “I am experiencing anxiety today.” This also creates distance and makes it feel more like its something you have occasionally, and it just comes to visit. It does not make a home and become ours.
I have an extremely hard time going to town because my symptoms flare up horrible bad. Did you know the part of your brain that is very much responsible for the symptoms you experience is literally like a 2-year-old? The part that is wrong with this example is we are talking in strong language. This 2-year-old is your limbic system, whose job is to protect you. This part of you also gets mixed up and inaccurate ideas about how to protect you. It gathers information constantly on dangers real or perceived. One of those ways it gathers information is by what you feed it, by how you talk and what you think. It is always listening and gathering. So now, imagine taking a 2-year-old and talking about how horrible bad anxiety is and how its extremely difficult to do xyz and the symptoms will get worse, etc. That would just scare the 2-year-old even more. On the path of healing, it is important we soften our language. Staying away from strong, scary words for a 2-year-old. An example instead might be, “I have a challenging time going to town because sometimes symptoms can flare up.” Now with healing, the next step we would also encourage, if there is any need to mention these things, we start to talk in the past tense so it leaves the future open for change! An example would be, “In the past I used to have a challenging time going to town because symptoms flaring.” Try it the next time you find yourself saying you can’t do something, or you are worried. Say it like it used to happen and as if you are getting change already!
If you want healing or are already on a path of healing, its important to become conscious of the words we say. The things we tell ourselves and others. Its also important to become aware of not only how we are talking but how much of our talking is about the symptoms (notice I didn’t claim any symptoms here by using the word MY.), complaining, negatively thinking and predicting when we will have symptoms. This all is not to say we don’t have challenges or hard moments that need validating. It is about finding healthier ways to be heard and ways that still promote healing vs keeping us stuck.
If this was eye opening to you, consider our very doable 2-week course today! We can gather much info today, but we need more then info, we need action. That is what a course can help you do, put the knowledge to practice and get results!
hp
